Batman's Bad Day 1: The Mess Begins
by Sonata-Time-Nocturne-Flare-Aoi
Summary: Complete! This is the updated classic fic with new scenes added! Batman has a really bad day. Will the villains of Gotham get the best of him? Read and find out! Rated T for Bat violence, Bat stupidity, and random craziness.
1. Morning Madness

**Story**: Batman's Bad Day 1: The Mess Begins  
**Author**: Master Jin Sonata  
**Written**: April 2000  
**Genre**: Humor  
**Rating**: T  
**Author's note**: Don't get me wrong, I love Batman! This is just a rarely seen routine of his daily life that he usually doesn't talk about _(Like he ever talks much about his personal life)_. Unfortunately; it's one of several of Batman's Bad Days. This fic contains a whole lot of Batman bashing, violence and random nonsense! Hope you like it!  
**Disclaimer**: I do not own DC comics or am I not responsible for Batman's misfortunes!

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_**So, check this out, it's sunrise…**_

**6:32 am: Morning Mayhem**

Bruce Wayne woke up bright and early in his bed feeling like crap. He had been up late last night trying to figure out who kept setting off the alarm on his work vehicle. Nevertheless, he did manage to get close to his usual four hours of daily sleep. Just then, his alarm clock went off. As we touched the snooze button, the clock ignited itself and blew up in his face.

"**Joker,"** he sighed under his breath.

**6:40 am**

"**Where's my dry-off towel?"** Bruce yelled as he stepped into the shower.

"**It's in the wash right now, sir,"** his butler Alfred responded.

"**Now what am I going to use?"** he thought to himself.

No matter, for he decided to just start shaving instead. After getting his face all lathered up, he grabbed the razor and motioned it toward his face. At the same time, Alfred came in, used the toilet, and then flushed it. Bruce's bathwater soon turned icy cold, forcing him to jump, which made him scrape a big razor gash across his face.

"**GAAAAAA!"** he screamed grasping his now bloody face. Trying to reach his face-towel, he makes a wrong move and slips on a bar of soap he dropped earlier, making him fall out of the tub, curtain and all.

_**Nice start, eh?**_

**7:14 am**

"**More coffee, sir?"** Alfred asked as Batman skimmed over the daily paper.

"**Yeah, just a little,"** Bruce grumbled, rubbing his bandaged cheek.

As Alfred began to pour his coffee, Dick, _(Robin if you didn't know)_ loudly bursts into the dinning room.

"**Hey guys, check this out!"**

Dick's sudden and surprising entrance made Alfred jump, forcing Alfred to miss the coffee cup and pour the piping hot coffee onto Bruce's lap.

"**EEEEYYYYOOOOOOWWWWW!"** Bruce yelled as the hot beverage now started to trickle down his legs.

"**Alfred! What's the meaning of this?"**

"**I'm terribly sorry, Master Bruce. Dick busted in and startled me."**

"**Damnit Grason!"** fumed Bruce as he glared at his new sidekick.

"**Sorry man, but look what came in the mail. It's from the Joker."**

"**What? Let me see that."**

Dick hands the mysterious looking box over to Bruce, who checks it thoroughly to see if it showed any signs of it being booby trapped.

"**Shall I fetch the Bat-Scanner, sir?"**

"**No thanks Alfred. The Joker can't fool me with his lame pranks."**

Bruce removes the lid from the box, only to be attacked by a large white boxing glove, which punched him in the face. Bruce then falls to the side of his chair, slips on some coffee that dripped onto the floor, and then hits his head on the edge of the table. Trying to get up, he grabs the tablecloth and winds up pulling his breakfast plate and other silverware on top of him.

"**Now that's gotta hurt,"** Dick noted as he stared at the mess created around the table.

Alfred sighed, started to leave the room.

"**This happens almost every morning. I'll go fetch the first aid kit."**

**8:09 am**

"**Aw give me a brake."**

Sitting in his driveway, and a little agitated, _(especially during that breakfast incident earlier that morning_), Bruce tried and tried again to start up his car. Someone must have disabled and removed something from his engine last night when the alarm was set off by someone, or something…

"**Jesus Christ, start dammit,"** he yelled as he pounded his fists against the steering wheel.

"**Want me to drive you to work like I always do, Master Bruce?"**

Bruce looked into his rearview mirror and saw his Butler walking towards his vehicle.

"**No, not today Alfred"** he said gritting his teeth. **"I want to drive myself today...in my own car."**

Alfred raised his eyebrow in surprise, and then relaxed it once again giving him a brief smirk.

"**If you insist, Master Bruce. But I would recommend using a key to start up the engine, for this isn't like your Bat-mobile where you just tell it what to do,"** he commented walking back into the manor.

Bruce sat in his car for a moment. Even though he was already late for work, he really needed his Butler to drive such a non-technological transport system. _(By the way, it's a Model T)_

"**What a pathetic start this day is turning out to be. Hey Alfred, I do need that drive to work!"** he yelled running back into his luxurious home.

**10:45 am**

"**Here are the reports on today's stocks, sir."**

Bruce was sitting in his nice cozy office conducting business at his company Wayne Enterprises. His secretary comes in and hands him today's stocks.

"**Hmm…Microsoft…up 50 points…LexCorp…up 23 points…Wayne Enterprises…DOWN 900 POINTS! HOLY CRAP! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"**

His outburst got the attention of his whole Corporation, for every employee in the building listened intensely to Bruce's long chains of angry cursing that morning until lunch.

This is only the beginning of one his worst days in his lifetime.

**Next: Afternoon Chaos**


	2. Afternoon Chaos

_It's time to check out more of Bruce's misfortunes as we continue Batman's Bad Day: Rebout!_

**12:15 pm: Afternoon Chaos**

**"Pastrami again?"** Bruce said, as he looked into his sack lunch.

Bruce was on his lunch hour. He invited his old pal Clark Kent to chat with him during lunch. Clark was eating a slice of pizza, while Bruce fumbled with his chips, drink, and desert.

**"I see your butler Alfred still packs your lunches."**

**"He says I spend too much money on gadgets and equipment for the Batcave."**

**"And I guess your stuck having your butler to make every meal for you?"**

**"Shut-up. That's what being rich is all out."**

At that time, a young woman with heavy black and white makeup wearing a red business suit struts into the room and stops in front of their table.

**"Hiya Mr. B. I got something for ya!"** the girl said gleefully.

**"Who's this nut job?"** asked Clark.

**"Definitely no one I've hired,"** said Bruce.

**"Here, take this, Mr. B!"** interrupted the girl as she handed a tiny multi-colored present to Bruce, then abruptly turns and runs out the room.

**"What was that all about, and what in the world is this?"** asked Bruce as he stared down at the little gift.

Upon closer examination, Clark used his X-Ray vision to scan the object. There was something flashing inside it.

**"BRUCE IT'S A BOMB!"**

**"WHAT? QUICK, GET IT AWAY FROM ME!"** Bruce shouted panickly.

Clark Kent got up and aimed to slap the box out of Bruce's hand, but ends up smacking Bruce along with the present out the 17-story window.

**"Oops,"** sad Clark looking out the window.

Bruce fell down and down at a great speed, finally landing on a patch of flowers on the side of the street. He got up seemingly unharmed, but then noticed the present-bomb was lying right next to him. Acting on impulse, Bruce dashed away from it, but then got ran over by a large hay-truck who backed up on top of him.

**"Hey! Watch were you're going, you punk!"** yelled the Scarecrow from his truck as he drove away.

Clark flew down from the building and met with his pal.

**"You alright?"** he asked.

**"Just barely. No thanks to you, you dumbass,"** grumbled Bruce.

**"I guess I keep forgetting how strong I am,"** Clark added. **"Well, at least you are alright."**

The two men then looked down as a small girl skipped up to them holding the present.

**"You dwopped this, mister!"** said the girl as she handed the gift to Bruce, then skipped away.

Clark and Bruce looked at each other and then screamed.

**KABLAM!**

**2:19 pm**

Bandaged, burned, but still breathing, Mr. Wayne decided to go home early and rest up before his nightshift as Batman. Alfred was still working back at the mansion at this time, so his method of transportation? The bus! Bruce borrowed some change from Kent before-hand so he's covered.

**"How much is the fare?"** he asked the bus driver.

**"For you, it's free!"** purred the cute looking female driver who wore all black.

**"Uhh...right…"**

Bruce took a good look at the empty bus. There was only a small black cat sitting in one of the seats. He sat down next to it.

**"What are you looking at?"** Bruce said to the cat, who stared back at him as if he was saying 'Back off, tuna breath'.

The cat simply stared at him for a while before starting to slowly scratch at Bruce as if he were a scratching post.

**"Hey, stop that,"** he said to the cat who simply kept scratching at him.

Bruce picked up the cat and attempted to move it, but the cat fought back and slashed Bruce in the face.

**"YEEOOWW!"** he screamed.

Bruce took the cat and chucked him to the back of the bus. That didn't last long, as the cat came back and began mauling up Bruce's face all the way back to his mansion.

**"Now play nice you two,"** the female bus driver laughed with delight.

**4:00 pm**

**"More tea, sir?"** asked Alfred.Bruce was lyingdown on the couch watching TV.

**"No, not this time. I'm not going to have anything hot spilled on me again!"**

**"If you wish, master Bruce."**

Alfred turned around to head back into the kitchen, but slips on Dick's skateboard, which was left lying around on the ground. Alfred falls toward Bruce, letting the hot pot of tea spill all over him.

**"GYAAAAAAAA!"** he yelled as the hot beverage burned through his bandages. **"ALFRED!"**

**"Terribly sorry, sir. I seemed to slip on young Master Dick's skating-board."**

Bruce got up and limped out the room.

**"Going so soon, master Bruce?"**

**"Yes. I'm going to the Batcave. Don't let anyone bother me while I'm in there, GOT IT?"** Bruce loudly mumbled

_Next: Evening Turmoil  
To Be Continued…_


	3. Evening Turmoil

_The Final Chapter is here!_

**5:05 pm: Evening Turmoil**

Bruce was working quietly locating criminals and other stuff on his computer in the Bat Cave. No one has bothered him for a good hour and he was proud of that. No hot beverages, no psycho cats, and no little bombs. Maybe his day was starting to fair for the better.

"**How boring,"** he said to himself. **"I've had a rough day as it is and no one is even trying to rob a bank or anything right now."**

Coincidently as he had just finished talking to himself, Commissioner Gordon appeared on screen with an urgent message.

"**Batman, the Joker and the Penguin are robbing the Gotham Gold Storehouse! Please hurry to…wait a minute… BATMAN IS BRUCE WAYNE?"**

"**Damnit!"** Bruce said as he forgot to suit up in his costume beforehand.

"**Wait till I tell everyone about this!"** Gordon said gleefully.

Bruce immediately turned off the monitor and hurried over to his closet where his Bat suit hangs. Still limping from the burns and other misfortunes from earlier that day, but still functioning, Bruce opens up the large metal door only to find his Bat suit gone.

"**ALFRED!"**

As if on queue, Dick bursts inside holding a tiny miniaturized Bat suit.

"**I knew it was probably you wondering where your Bat suit is, so I washed it for you!"** he said with a cheesy smile.

"**You mean my $700,000,000 super high tech, one of a kind suit?"**

"**Yeah, Unfortunately, I think it shrunk a little."**

"**Gee you think, Sherlock? Now what am I supposed to wear?"**

"**How about that 1960's style Bat suit you have in your costume trunk?"** Dick suggested.

"**You mean the same one Adam West wore? No. Freakin'. Way."**

**6:15 pm**

"**See, it fits,"** said Robin, who was in uniform with Batman in his slightly tight cheaply made Bat suit.

"**Shut-up, bird-turd. This suit makes me look really fruity."**

Batman then walks up to the rotating platform where his shiny, perfect condition Bat mobile sits. He then gestures Robin toward the control panel.

"**Robin, push the red button for me to rotate the car so it'll face the cave's exit."**

"**No prob,"** said the half-listening Robin, who was looking at a girl's magazine.

Robin unnoticeably presses the green button, which catapults the Bat mobile off into the hundred-mile ditch on the side of the Bat Cave. They could then hear the car crashing and exploding once it reached the bottom. Batman glared coldly at Robin, who slowly backed away from him.

**6:32 pm**

"**Good thing I carry a couple of spare Bat mobiles in the garage,"** said Batman as they drove down the dark city streets.

All of a sudden, the car starts sputtering and grinds to a halt.

"**Crap! It needs gas!"**

"**That's okay, Batman. I'll get some gas down the street. Joker and Penguin's hideout shouldn't be too far from here."**

Batman sighed.

"**Alright. You get the gas and I'll kicks some criminal butt."**

"**Right,"** said Robin getting out of the car.

**6:47 pm**

Batman walks up toward the entrance of the Storehouse. He finds an opening and makes his way inside. He sees a group of people in a dark room discussing evil plans.

"**Hold it right there, villains! You are all going back to prison where you belong,"** he yelled out.

The Joker appeared out of the shadows walking towards Batman, followed by several other familiar villains.

"**Well well well, looks like the Bat flew into our trap,"** laughed the joker.

"**What trap?"** demanded Batman who is ready to take action.

"**Oh booooys…"**said the Joker, signaling all the other villains to pull out their machine guns. The Penguin was the first to pull out his umbrella-gun, along with Mr. Freeze and his ice-ray.

"**Take this!"** yelled Batman, as he tried to pull out his Baterang, but it gets jammed in his utility belt.

"**Oh sh--"** muttered Batman.

"**FIRE!"** yelled the Joker.

**6:55 pm**

At Commissioner Gordon's house, the commissioner was in the middle of printing flyers proclaiming 'Batman is Bruce Wayne'. Then the phone rang. He went over and answered it immediately, whilst looking out the window from his second story room.

"**Hello?…Oh, hi honey! Oh, I'm doing fine, I'm just printing a few important documents….huh? Oh don't worry about me, there hasn't been any reports of violence in the streets tonight…"**

Just then, he witnessed Batman scrambling down the street, dodging several dozen rounds of gunfire and other assorted types of projectiles, whilst screaming like a girl. Seconds later, every villain in Gotham popped into the scene, chasing the bat while continuing to fire his or her weapons.

"**Honey dear, is everything alright?"** his wife on the phone asked due to the sudden silence from Gordon.

"**Um…er…everything's fine dear. Everything is just fine…"** he said slowly, sweat drop appearing on the side of his head.

**6:50 pm**

Robin walked backed to the Bat mobile, carrying a jug of gasoline. He's not all too happy about the gas prizes being $40 a gallon, or about maxing-out Batman's credit cards by buying more girl magazines. After gassing up the car, he heard loud and long chains of gunfire coming from one of the buildings down the street. That's when he saw Batman frantically running away from the horde of criminals.

"**Robin! Start up the car, NOW!"** he yelled, diving into the car before it jetted off.

They sped down the street out of range of the gunfire as they headed onto the highway. Batman repositioned himself in the passenger seat, trying to ignore Robin's bad driving.

**7:15 pm**

"**So what happened?"** asked Robin, dodged cars as he zoomed down the busy evening traffic.

"**It was a setup, and I got capped in the butt twice,"** he muttered rubbing his seared bottom.

"**No sweat. Since I'm here to help out, we'll just drive back to the warehouse and take them on together,"** beamed Robin, who wasn't paying attention to how fast and dangerous he was driving.

When suddenly, a siren blared. **"STOP! PULL OVER"** was then heard behind them. It was the police. Robin eventually managed to steer the car to the side of the highway, not realizing that the police officer approaching their vehicle was not in t he regular Gotham uniform.

"**ROBIN! How many times do I have to tell you to leave the driving to me?"** he grimaced.

"**But…you told me too…"** said Robin before the officer in the unfamiliar uniform stepped up toward the window.

"**Good evening. I'm officer K. Croc. Do you know why I pulled you over?"**

"**I don't even know who the heck you are! Are you even from Gotham City?"** asked Batman.

"**Don't patronize me, dumbass**," said the cop. **"May I see your license and registration please?"**

"**Oh...my license…um…it left it in the other Bat mobile…"** he trailed off, turning angrily towards Robin.

"**Would you mind stepping out of the vehicle?"**

"**Yes, I would mind,"** replied Batman.

"**What are you hiding?"** asked the cop.

"**Psst…Batman, isn't this the car with that high proton laser cannon in the"**…Robin started, before being backhanded by Batman's fist.

"Sir, I'm going to have you step outside the vehicle to be searched."

"**Look, pervert, I don't do that on first dates,"** replied the caped crusader.

Robin just stared back at Batman in suspicion.

"**Sir, just get out of the goddamn vehicle,"** said the officer.

Batman, who is really on the verge of going coo-coo for cocoa-puffs, immediately gets out of the vehicle to get this thing over with.

"**What's that around your waist? Sir, are you carrying drugs?"** asked the cop who removed the utility belt from Batman's waist.

"**No, that's my utili---WAIT! DON'T PRESS THAT BUTTON!"** he shouted toward the cop who flipped a switch on his utility belt.

At that moment, a huge flash of light followed by a large mushroom cloud appeared behind the city skyline.

"**NO! THAT WAS THE SELF DESTRUCT SWITCH TO THE BAT CAVE YOU IMBECILE!"** yelled a now panicked Batman.

"**Good thing Alfred is at a dinner right now,"** noted Robin.

"**Sir, if you don't mind, I'll just check your trunk now,"** said Officer Croc, as he walked back to the trunk and popped it open. **"Sir, would you explain to me why Adam West is in your trunk, bound, gagged and stripped down to his pink underwear?"**

"**Aw shoot, someone must have slipped him into the trunk while me and Robin were occupied back at the warehouse,"** Batman thought to himself.

"**Sir, I'm placing you under arrest for the possession of explosives, refusing to show ID, calling me an imbecile, and kidnapping a bad-acting celebrity,"** the cop said cuffing up Batman and Robin.

"**#&$#$$&#$&&$&!"** yelled Batman all the way to Arkham Prison as Robin slinks further down in the seat as he's showered with tickets from Batman's colorful language.

**10:35 pm**

Batman and Robin sat silently in their jail cell hopefully waiting for Alfred to come and bail them out. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. Minutes later, an old man carrying a dummy who looked like Al Capone opens their cell door and reels in a TV. After they leave, the TV turns on, showing the Joker at the Gotham news station.

"**Good evening, Gotham City. I am the Joker, bringing you the latest development of our 'Take Over Gotham Project' happening right now as we speak. I would like to take some time to congratulate the Bat-brain on his exiting day. I hope my friends had loads of fun with you! Anyway, enjoy your stay in your lovely Arkham prison suite because you will be there for a long time. And to make sure you won't get lonely, I've arranged a cell mate for you two. Ta ta!"**

Suddenly the cell doors crash open, and in steps a rather large, angry forbidding figure. It was Bane.

"**Well, well, well, if it ain't my old rock'em, sock'em punching bag, Batman. Are you ready for your daily exercises?"** he said menacingly while cracking his knuckles.

"**Well, at least we'll stay in shape… I think,"** gulped Robin.

"**Robin, shut up,"** groaned Batman, as the cell door slowly closes

**The End!**

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**So, whaddaya think? Write a review and tell me how you liked it!**

Be sure to check out the hilarious sequel: **Batman's Bad Day 2: Prison Folly**, already up!


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